Hello, Munchers! How are you today? I’m good. Are you good? I’m good. Good. Anyway, today we’ll be talking about cleaning brass. Now, when researching this topic, I must say, that so far, I have not seen a method for cleaning something that has more alternatives that involve slathering the item in condiments. I’m serious. But cleaning brass with delicious sauces is not always the best way to go about making your antique brass hardware, cookware and decorations shine. Even so, I refuse to pass up an opportunity to talk about cleaning with food.

Let’s talk about

Ways to Clean Brass with Food

Hooray! Some of these are widely reported to work. Others are just too absur not to mention. Check it out:

• Rub a little ketchup (or catsup, if you’re that kind of person) into your brass and then wipe it clean. They say that store brand works just as well as Heinz, but I’m pretty sure nothing works better than Heinz at anything (especially if we’re talking about making hot dogs taste delicious). Some hardcore ketchup proponents even suggest throwing some brass pieces into a pot of ketchup and putting it over heat for a while (doorknob stew?). But that sounds a little crazy to me.
• Cut a lemon in half and coat it with salt. Now, rub that juicy salty thing all over the brass. If it’s a big item (grandfather clock pendulum?), you’ll need to – it with salt. Buff it with a clean cloth afterwards. Use the leftover salt and lemons for body shots.
• Speaking of drinking, you can also make a paste from equal parts vinegar, salt and flour and apply it to your brass parts. Let it sit for an hour, rinse, buff, shine.
• Worcestershire sauce is said to have a similar effect as vinegar. But probably just because Worcestershire sauce is just gussied up vinegar anyway. So, maybe if its formal brass, use Worcestershire sauce?
• Make a paste of two parts cream of tartar and one part lemon juice and work it into your brass. Let it rest for 30 minutes then buff clean.
• Apply some plain yogurt to your brass and let it dry. Then, buff it off with a clean cloth. Weird.
• Afterwards, rub your brass down with a little bit of olive oil. This will keep it from tarnishing, but I don’t recommend employing this method on door handles…

So, what did you think of all that? Did it make you hungry? Do you need to pause to get a snack? Okay, go do so and come back. Then we can talk about:

Better, although less tasty, ways to clean your brass:

First, before you cover your brass in chemicals and condiments, you’ll want to try using good old fashioned elbow grease first. This is especially important when dealing with antique brass. Get a clean buffing cloth and just rub, rub, rub with vigor. You’d be surprised at how much you can make it shine without any gunk.

To clean antique brass hinges and hardware, remove it from the cabinet or cupboard and immerse it in hot soapy water. Get all that grime and buildup off and then rinse it and dry it. Moisten a soft cloth with some linseed oil and rub your brass down until all of the rest of the grime is gone. Next, polish it with a soft, clean cloth.

Now, if you are going to be using some kind of brass polish, it’s important to use metal polish sparingly. Too much polish gives your brass an oily film and makes it susceptible to smudging and fingerprints. Instead, put a little bit of polish onto an absorbent rag. Then let it sit for 24 hours. Now, use that rag to polish your brass. Use no more no less.

As for what you should use, there’s tons of commercial options, but Brasso is the household name. For more options, check out this Amazon widget I made:

Also, before I go, a quick note about antiques: BE VERY CAREFUL. Very old an valuable antiques need special treatment. Before you go dunking it in ketchup or whatever, please consult a local antique expert or contact a museum for advice.